Things wot stain affect the flavour. (said in best Bedforshire slang!)
OK before we get into this post I need to put a disclaimer in place, the photograph to the left is NOT a photo of one of our mugs, it is a picture I got off t’internet click the image to see where I got it from. I just couldn’t be bothered to dig my own camera out and take a photo of one of our mugs.
That being said I can now get into the topic of this post.
As many of you will already know I am a coffee drinker, I drink real coffee, and where possible avoid the instant stuff that clams to be coffee, I will drink it if its offered, more out of politeness but I am a real fresh brew man.
What you possibly don’t know, unless you know us pretty well, is that Joy does NOT drink coffee, of any sort, she is a tea drinker, she does not like the taste of coffee, so we never partake of the same hot beverage, I drink coffee not tea and Joy drinks tea not coffee.
In our kitchen we have a vast array of mugs, just odd mugs we have collected from here there and everywhere, one of Joy’s hobbies is collecting mugs, anyhow, there are some mugs that are ‘hers’ and some that are mine, yet others that are used by either one of us. more out of ritual & an unwritten rule rather than out of a real insistence of us not sharing each others mugs.
The other day I made myself a coffee, well I think Joy actually made it and left it brewing in the kitchen, so I only had to pour it out (cafetiere, which is my favourite way to have coffee made) which I duly did, into the first mug I grabbed, which just happened to be one of Joy’s mugs, one that she got a couple of months ago for her 40th Birthday, says something like ‘I am not 40 just 18 with 22 years experience, but I digress…. the point being its not an old mug, but one she uses a lot.
Anyhow, I used this mug for some reason without paying much attention to it, until I started to drink the coffee, because I realised that the coffee had a very strange taste to it, after a few sips it dawned on me that it had a tea taste, on checking what mug I was using I realised that it was indeed one of Joy’s tea mugs.
Now, this mug looked clean, it hasn’t be around for years, she does have 1 mug that has obvious permanent tea staining inside it, but she loves drinking from that mug, we are not talking that mug but one that has been used a lot recently but still looks basically clean, yet it still had a tea taste to it. Of course you need to understand that we are a dishwasher free household, largely because there isn’t space for such an appliance in our kitchen, I am sure that cups/mugs washed in dishwashers come up as clean as new each time, but when you wash mugs by hand it is near impossible to rid it of all the tea staining.
I realise that many younger readers will not have seen things such as teapots with huge amounts of tea staining on the inside, partly because lots of people don’t even use teapots these days but if you have a dishwasher & wash your teapot in the dishwasher it doesn’t build up stains, but it is a long lasting memory from my childhood, seeing the teapot so badly stained, I am sure this is part of why I never liked tea.
But back to the tea mug I was using, it is incredible how that tiny amount of staining, visible yet not obvious, can affect the taste of my coffee, tea is generally considered to be a much more subtle tasting drink than coffee yet the tea taste overpowered the taste of coffee, even fresh real coffee.
So it is in our lives, if we have things in our lives that have stained us, it is going to flavour everything we do, everything else that we taste will have that subtle yet unmistakeable taint of the stain, unless and until we deal with it, a simple wash will not deal with the stain it needs a good dishwasher to get rid of the stain and the taste before it is suitable for use for another purpose.
Anyone for Coffee?
A Rap…….. on the knuckles that is! and a quote/prayer for you..
I got told off, well kind of, for the last sentence in my previous post where I said that what I write isn’t worth reading.
And I guess that she has a point, after all she had read right through to the end of my post, as she does with all of them, to find that comment, so it must have been worth reading!
So, here is my apology to you all for saying that, I promise to be a good boy today.
Right now we have the apology out of the way, I am a fan, as many of you will know, of the NLT Bible and am really enjoying my Mosaic Bible, with meditation material. I can’t claim to read it every day, or even read every weeks material completely but I really appreciate it when I I do pick it up and read from it, in amongst the material, much of which comes from a different age, are some real nuggets of truth that are such a blessing to read.
Anyhow, I read the following quote this morning, or was it this afternoon? well either way the quote is:
O Lord, we besech thee to deliver us from the fear of the unknown future; from the fear of failure; from the fear of poverty; from the fear of bereavement; from the fear of loneliness; from the fear of sickness and pain; from the fear of old age; and from the fear of death. Help us, O father, by thy grace to love and fear thee only, fill our hearts with cheerful courage and loving trust in thee; through our Lord and Master Jesus Christ.
Akanu Ibaim (Nigeria / 1906-1995)
I was pretty struck by the fullness and depth of the quote so thought I would share it with you. Simple really, no words of wisdom from me just that quote, which was obviously written in Authorised Version English but yet is so profound and significant for many, many of us have fears and worries and so desperately NEED Christ to fill our hearts with cheerful courage and loving trust in him.
Perhaps this was a bit of an answer to my previous post? I don’t know! but it is certainly very timely for me.
Bloggers Block
I have, as you will be aware, been pretty quiet here the past few weeks, this is largely because I have had nothing to say and if I have nothing to say then I say nothing! A policy that seems to work fairly well.
Anyhow, life has been ticking along, emotions have been doing a pendulum swing pretty big time, although not with the highs more swinging between one degree of low and another and then into neutral.
Steven has still been having too many seizures, which have taken their toll on us, more particularly on Joy as I have slept through a huge number of them recently, and Natalie has been playing up big time over the past couple of months, which always has an impact on my own emotions, but we think we have cracked the worst of this, with new strategies put in place in partnership with school to try and remove the undesirable behaviour, I have to say that although I was rather sceptical the steps taken seem to have worked pretty well, although she seemed to be unwell before she went to bed tonight so I just hope she sleeps through the night, the other night Steven didn’t have any fits but Joy was up with Nat from 4am because she was unwell!
Anyhow, Steven is in respite for 4 nights, from tomorrow night, so we have a Steven free weekend, but then I am off all day Saturday at a conference in Hertfordshire, oh the Joys of it!
In other areas of life there is very little to report really, life just ticks along….. tic, toc, tic, toc….. and to be honest I still feel like I am doing little more than exist, obviously the general mood in the country, of doom and gloom, especially following a long cold winter, is not helping but this is more than that, its to do with me and where I am at, although I am working on that too, trying to create more sense of purpose and direction.
At times over the past few weeks I have been really concerned that I could end up, emotionally, where I was at the beginning of last year, which is why it has been so important to keep going at creating a sense of purpose and direction, I might not have much of a sense of worth but if I can get get some direction and focus then at least some sense of identity and worth can spring out of that, or at least that’s the theory.
It’s not that we have had any particular huge hurdles over the past few months, we seem to have had a quiet time of it, no battles to fight for the kids, nothing really happening to worry about life just goes on, and on, and on……
Counselling is going OK although at times its like wading through treacle and I wonder whether it will ever be over, and whether its actually achieving anything but I guess I know really it is achieving a lot just that in the short term it seems more pain than gain.
Friends seem to come and go, although some have remained constant, it is great to know that there are those who, having seen the worst that I can throw at them, still come back for more, that’s true friendship and I am so grateful that I have some really good friends who I can rely on to be there when I need them.
My relationship with God is not great, I really don’t know where I am at. It feels, much like the counselling, like wading through treacle, I am needing a breakthrough in this area of my life but don’t know how that can be achieved, at the moment it is enough that I am going through the motions, I know God is there but that’s about it, its like I asked this morning, on facebook ‘Where’s the sun gone?’ and joy said ‘It’s behind the clouds’ so true I know but if its behind the clouds I can’t see it and I can’t feel its warmth, well not quite like I could if it were out in a lovely blue sky. It’s like that with me and God, I am wondering where he is yet know that he is there, just that his presence if being blocked by too many clouds, so I can’t feel his warmth, yet like the sun still has its effect even when it can’t be seen we would be living in frozen wastelands if the sun were not there behind the clouds, in fact no we wouldn’t, the earth could not sustain life if it were not for the suns forces at work 24hours a day 365 days a year regardless of whether we see it or not, so it is with God, I know that he is at work, sustaining and keeping but just long to feel the warmth of his rays on me.
Anyhow, in a few weeks time we are off to North Wales, which we are so looking forward to, we are staying at a place run by good friends of ours, Paul & Christine called Trosgol, click here to visit their site for details but we have been there before and would highly recommend it for the beauty and tranquility let alone the lovely people who run it, it is nestled in the middle of the Snowdonia National Park and has wonderful views of the mountains, including the tip fo Mount Snowdon itself, although unless your a real hardened walker you will need a car for just about anything this isolation makes it ideal, in my mind, for a perfect break away from the rest of the world, unless of course you bring your laptop and take advantage of the free WIFI to get onto Facebook and tell your friends how lovely the place is.
And on from there, we have a BBQ at the beginning of the summer holidays, the second of what will probably be an annual get together of a support group I belong to.
My sister in law, Joy’s sister, is also due to get married this summer, I have been asked to be best man, slightly exciting but very apprehensive about it as I am expected to give the best mans speech and speaking in public has never been my strong point.
We also have a week’s holiday booked in Southwold over the summer, and somewhere in amongst that we need to fit in a little camping trip with Natalie, this will be her first ever time under canvas, which will have to happen when Steven is in respite at some stage.
So that’s enough from me for now,I have written more than I thought I would write, not of course suggesting it was worth reading, but then my posts are rarely worth reading.
Stale Mate
That’s how I feel, spiritually and emotionally, at the moment.
Like my life has reached one big stalemate!
I feel as though I can’t go anywhere really, just stay put moving between 2 squares, back and forth, back and forth.
I wish I could move but there seems to be no real option for movement.
Some of this ‘stale mate’ is caused by me feeling emotionally empty, unable to reach into my emotions and connect with myself, totally cold to how I feel and think, it’s almost a numbness, like not sure what’s going on not sure how I should react and unable to react all at the same time.
Now, part of this is almost certainly a result of the medication I am on for Depression, I am on very high doses of 2 different Anti Depressants and these do have the effect of blunting your emotions, this is a good and important thing to keep you ‘safe’ but it also gets in the way of true ‘recovery’ and anything of a ‘normal’ emotional life.
But the added thing is that I have, by and large sub consciously, pushed my own emotions into neutral, and tried burying the issues that I know need dealing with, the things that are getting in the way of my recovery and moving on. Part of this, as I said is largely sub conscious, learnt methods of protecting myself built up over a lifetime.
In some ways I know I need to deal with this stuff and in order to deal with it I have to face the pain but at the same time I am protecting myself from the pain by burying it because I have to ‘keep it together’ I don’t have the opportunity to allow myself to fall to pieces, I have to keep myself together and get on with everyday life.
I have to admit I am scared of letting myself deal with this stuff as I am scared of what is there; most of it I already know is not very pleasant.
I am also scared of finding myself back where i was this time last year and for this reason am protecting myself yet in a very real sense in protecting myself I am probably making the possibility of a repeat far more likely.
I am going to counselling and yet we are only able to touch around the edges of stuff as I am just finding it too difficult to open up to what’s really there, what’s really going on.
It’s not even as if I am feeling pain and hurt inside at the moment, I’m not! People ask me how I am and I can answer in all honestly I am fine, I am OK, because I am, just don’t delve too deeply because you might find it’s not as good as it first appears.
I can handle life like this but it is very dry, empty and, well pointless, I can go through the motions, with no emotion, I can do but not feel, it’s not that life is falling to bits around me but the truth is it probably needs to be allowed to fall to bits but I can’t allow that, it wouldn’t be good for me to allow that, it’s too messy, I have a life, well existence, to live, I have responsibilities and I am not sure I can handle these responsibilities and my emotions all at the same time.
There are no ‘quick fixes’ for the kind of mess that lies underneath the surface and I am not sure there is the energy within me to go for the long haul, it almost seems better to just stuff it all back inside and pretend like it’s not there, but I know that in the long run it won’t do me much good.
Spiritually I can go through the motions, read my bible, do my bit but there seems to be no real relationship with God right now, I am not in the position I was in most of last year, certainly the first half of last year, where I hated God, but I just don’t know that I can have a real relationship with him.
If I enter into much of a relationship with him he will only begin to open the wounds that are there, exposing the hurt and pain and I can’t allow that so it’s better to keep things on a flat empty level.
If I allow what’s inside of me to bubble out I know I will just fall to pieces, I will not be able to handle it and at the moment I can handle it, just about, I can just keep it inside and ignore it, that isn’t sorting the problem at all but it is saving me from the short term pain and the risk of the serious swing in my emotions I experienced last year.
I am afraid of letting my mind stay out of gear for too long because when it does all sorts of things surface, things that need to be kept under the surface, things that are best buried and hidden out of sight, the same applies at a spiritual level, I am afraid of opening up to God because it leads to my heart, it leads to the stuff that buried coming to the surface and I can’t do that.
It is so tiring and draining to live life where you can’t allow your mind to relax, where you can’t allow yourself to drop your guard and unwind, where you have to keep your brain active and mind focused on something, anything, as long as it’s not on yourself.
Now most of this is sub conscious thinking and behaviour, as I said before, learnt from a lifetime of having to protect myself from further hurt and I can’t easily change this even if I wanted to, and I am not sure whether I do want to.
How do you move forward when every move you make is going to lead to you loosing? How do you get from this place of being trapped and empty to a place of freedom? The only way of achieving it is via the route of PAIN and I am not sure I am ready for that, yet living the life I am right now is tiring and could so easily lead to the tinderbox that is my buried emotions blowing up big time.
So there you have it, I am not sure what else there is that I can easily and usefully add, I am struggling to make sense of all this myself, well not really struggling because I don’t want to make sense of it, if things remain as they are I suspect that I might as well stop counselling as it isn’t really going to resolve anything, part of me WANTS to resolve things but another part of me doesn’t, part of me wonders HOW I can resolve things yet another part of me wonders how I can keep it buried and prevent it from all blowing up on me.
If only someone could just say some words and make things better for me, but I know that isn’t going to happen, it’s not likely that God will just come and sort things out over night so that I wake totally better, there is a process that has to be gone through but it’s a process I am not sure I am ready for, not sure I ever will be ready for, in the meantime, life will trundle on, I will continue to exist and don what needs to be done, until I fall to pieces again. But as long as I can keep my mind from straying into undesirable territory I should be able to keep going for a bit longer.
Back to the title of the post, Stale Mate, I sometimes wonder whether it would be better for me to just end the stalemate by going for Checkmate! But that again is just too dangerous so stale mate is where we have to stay.
[houdini]
An Anniversary I would rather not have.
OK so a weird title eh?
It was the anniversary, during the week, of an event that I am not going to enlarge on here, for reasons too personal to mention but suffice to say that this time last year I was suffering from pretty severe depression, as anyone who knows me at all will have been well aware.
I had actually been suffering from depression for a couple of years and it hadn’t been taken overly seriously up to this point but during January last year things got so bad that people did begin to sit up and take notice.
I think things had to reach a real bad low before the professionals would take me seriously, which they did eventually do, this time last year things had got so bad that, to be totally blunt I wasn’t bothered whether I lived or died, and that is a pretty bad place to be for all sorts of reasons.
No one could convince me that life was worth living or that I had any purpose or value at all, if I am totally honest, and I do try to be, I would say I am still not sure exactly what value my life has but that is another story altogether.
Anyhow, as anyone who knows me and was involved with that part of my life, nothing and no one could convince me that there was any point or purpose in my existence.
Depression is a pretty devastating illness in that you just loose all perspective and al grip on reality is gone, alongside that I had huge trouble with my memory, not that its ever been that great but that is another story, I got so that I could barely remember something that was said to me just minutes before, it was pretty shocking how bad that was and tiredness, all I wanted to do was sleep, I would have been content to let the whole world pass me by as I slept.
As I have already said, I had lost all perspective, to me the grief and the tough stuff in life loomed larger than the good stuff and I couldn’t cope, I just felt that the world was caving in around me and it would have been better for me to be out of the equation, to even think that I might be of use or have a purpose here would have been out of the question, such is the depth of depression that it was pretty much impossible for me to conceive of life ever changing, I couldn’t even remember better times gone by, of which there had been many.
It was during this time, a time when I felt abandoned and deserted by God, a time when I felt that God hated me, in fact being totally up front with you, I hated him too, for abandoning me, a time when I felt as though everyone was against me.
It was into this time that real friendships were forged, it was during this time that so many really showed their care and love for me, and for us as a family, it was in the darkness of those days, when I could no longer cling to anything that my friends instead clung to me, and boy did they have to cling!
These friends, in a very real way, kept me in one piece, by their thoughts and actions as well as their prayers, those who were Christians, but every one of them was so precious and valuable to me and played a huge part in keeping me from sinking further, if that were possible.
Anyhow, as I said, my relationship with God was at an all time low, a strange experience for me as I became a Christian out of a pretty dire situation emotionally and had never known this depth of feeling abandoned before. It was as if God had just shut the door on me and left me out on a stormy night with no shelter or food and was totally oblivious to my knocking on the door to be let in.
During this time my counsellor, I begun counselling in about February of last year, said that she believe I could get better and would get better and asked for permission to hold that light of hope for me as I couldn’t hold it for myself, it was a strange concept for me at the time but I think in many ways this is exactly what all my friends were doing for me, holding a light of hope, holding a candle of hope, keeping the light lit because I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it for myself.
The other thing about Depression that makes it such a difficult illness, and it is an illness, is the misunderstanding and naivety that surrounds it, people have said some pretty dumb things to those who suffer from Depression, including to me, and the worst offenders have been Christians, things like, ‘of course you could be healed if you only wanted to’ ‘just ask God to give you healing and believe and you will be healed’ ‘snap out of it’ ‘you’re just being selfish’ and the list could go on, one of the reasons why it is so misunderstood is because it is not easy to understand depression, and people don’t like admitting they don’t have the answers so they come up with stupid answers to cover their inadequacy, also its to do with the emotions and people, especially us brits I am told but I think it is most nationalities, struggle with emotions at the best of times, guys, you don’t need to understand Depression to help someone with depression, all they need to know is that you are there for them, there to talk to, there to help, there offering to cook for them, or wash or clean or take the kids off their hands, there to cry with them and to laugh with them, yes even people with depression are capable of laughing, I did even in my darkest moments.
What I can tell you about Depression, just a little medical stuff because it does help you to be less scared of it, is this, it is a medical condition where the levels of certain chemicals in the brain are too low, we are not sure how this is caused but we know it can be triggered or aggravated by stress factors in life and difficulties, we also know that it is not easy to pin down any 1 instance that triggers the difficulties, the short term treatment for depression is usually tablets, to increase the levels of the relevant chemicals in the brain, Anti Depressants are the tablets that help boost the levels of the good chemicals in the brain to allow a person to cope with life, there are other treatments but I wont go into those, I am talking about Anti Depressants because these are seen by some Christians as being evil and we should never use them but what I would say is that I am also Asthmatic, and I suffer a medial condition called Cluster Headaches, both of which require medication on a daily basis to prevent me becoming ill, what is so different about taking tablets to increase the levels of chemicals in my brain to keep my mental health in good condition as opposed to takign an asthma inhaler to keep my asthma under control, or taking tablets to keep my head from feeling like it is going to blow up? No one (I hope) would suggest to a diabetic, to stop taking his Insulin, or a person with a heart condition to stop taking his medication, unless of course they had a word from God about the person being healed, and even then I trust they would encourage the person to consult a Dr first, so why do you suggest that people should stop taking their anti depressants?
Anyhow, what is the point of this blog post? You might well ask, is it just to reminisce over events of a year ago? no, I would rather forget it to be honest, it is 2 fold, firstly to mark to myself how far I have come in that year, well in something like 6 months because in reality there was very little improvement until around June/July time.
But most importantly it is to speak to 2 different groups of people, firstly those who know someone who is going through depression, to urge you to stick with them, at times it might feel as though they are throwing all your kindness and help back in your face, I know that’s what it must have felt at times for my friends, but your input into their lives is crucial and makes a huge difference to the outcome, so PLEASE continue to show them love and care for them, to be there for them as much as you are able to.
One thing I can be fairly confident of is that you know someone in your life, unless you lead a very sheltered life, who is going through or has been through very severe depression, whether or not you are aware of their depression is another matter, I would challenge you with this question, are you the kind of person someone with depression woudl choose to confide in and talk to? With me lots of people knew I was going through severe depression, largely because of how severe it was, but there were very few people I would choose to talk to, partly obviously it makes sense to keep the details and depth of things to a few people, you don’t want it too widely shared in the same way that you wouldn’t want to share the intimate details of say, breast cancer or prostate cancer, with the whole world, but there was also part of me that just didn’t want to talk to some folk because they lacked the sensitivity and understanding that was so important to me, to be blunt those folk would, and at times did, make me feel worse so why would I talk to them? so my challenge, are you the kind of person someone with depression would want to talk to and share with?
the second (and most important) group is those going through depression, don’t give up, whatever it feels like right now it can get better, it almost certainly WILL get better, life wont always be like this, I can’t say a lot that will change your situation or your life’s experience in the here and now but I can say, as one who has walked that path before you, there is more to life than depression, there is more to life than the feelings of despair and isolation, than the sense of hopelessness and helplessness, this WILL pass and you will come out the other side stronger and better than you are now, I don’t know why you are going through what you are going through, hey I am still not sure why I have had to go through the depths of depression but what I do know is that there is one who will hold onto you and not let you go, even though it feels like he has abandoned you, he will always get you through. Strange thing is I know right now exactly what your thinking, because it is almost certainly the same thing that I thought when people told me that God hadn’t abandoned me, that he was there even if I didn’t feel like he was, my answer went something like, ‘well if he hasn’t abandoned me why do I feel like he has? and surely he could let me know he is here with me’ but the truth is, I wasn’t talking to him so he couldn’t let me know! I had blocked the channels of communication through my hate of him, so how could he let me know he was there? only through his people, those he had put around me to represent him in my life, but I wasn’t listening to them either.
I know it isn’t easy but at the moment what you most need is the comfort of God but you will probably not feel/sense that directly, you will need to release yourself into his care and trust him, but also allow others to carry that light of hope with and for you.
One of the images a friend of mine had for me during some of those darkest days was of Moses when the Israelites were at war and he was ont he mountainside with his arms held high but they were weary, so he needed people to hold his arms up, just like Moses was weary and needed his arms holding, so was I and therefore my friends were holding my arms up but the times I refused, or didn’t have the strength to have them up even with help, they could hold their hands up on my behalf.
I hope this post can have been of some use to some of you out there, I don’t know what this coming year has in store for me yet, I know I am in a lot better place than I was this time last year but I am also well aware of my own vulnerability and weakness, of how close I am to depression, probably closer right now than I was a few weeks ago but that might have something to do with the weather of late, yet I know that I need to keep walking and keep myself focused on God and on what he wants me to do, I also know that I have a fantastic support network out there for me who are there for me, and who I hope I will be able to be there for should they need it.
I think one of the main things that depression has taught me is that there are some really, really, great people in my life and I just thank God for allowing me the privilege of having such fantastic friends.
In conclusion I want to give you a couple of web sites for further information on the subject of depression.
firstly there is an organisation in the UK called Time for Change, their primary focus is to raise awareness of depression and mental health issues in the UK< they have run a couple of TV adverts as well as a number of local events and are busy working with various organisations to make mental health issues less of a taboo subject and raise their profile in quarters that matter most, their web site is http://www.time-to-change.org.uk
the second organisation is an American one, called ‘To Write Love on Her Arms’ their aims are very similar but working primarily the other side of the Atlantic, their mission statement is a pretty good summary it reads: To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. and their web site address is http://www.twloha.com I hope that in some way my blog can have been an inspiration and encouragement to you whether you yourself are going through depression or you know someone who is going through depression.
If you want to contact me about this or talk about depression I would love to hear from you, I want to be here to talk to you especially if you are suffering depression or are wanting to know how best to support a friend who has Depression.
Click the ‘contact me’ button just below this message and you will find a few ways to contact me. [houdini]
Christian Standards?
My apologies for the poor standards of writing in this post, I have struggled to get the matters down in a coherent and logical manner but I trust tht you will read and know my heart as you read, my desire for holiness and purity but not to condemn or criticise.
I realise that the blog post that follows could be seen as me being super spiritual but I want you to know that is not the case, I am all too aware of my own failings and struggles and am writing out of weakness myself but out of a desire to move on and move into a true and better relationship with God, to now Christ more and more, to know his love and a real encounter from him to enable me to live more pure and holy a life before him butt he following post is one that I have felt I need to write in order to address a growing concern I have with the standards being set within the church in this age, perhaps I am of a previous generation but I do believe that the way we act, the way we speak, the things we do and the things we call ‘entertainment’ matter, they matter to God, they should matter to us, and they affect our relationship with him as well as our witness to those who are around us.
Leaders of the church in particular should be setting examples of holiness and purity, and teaching those standards clearly to the church, so that they challenge the believers to live purer and holier lives, we can no longer rely on peoples own understanding of right and wrong, or of expected standards, people coming to faith now have come from a background where they have not known anything of Christian standards, where anything goes and there is no black and white, no right and wrong, therefore we need to teach, and keep on teaching, the standards we believe to be right.
One of my concerns over the ‘seeker sensitive’ models of church is that there seems to be a far greater emphasis on forgiveness and grace than on holiness and purity, it seems that we are so keen to get people into the church that we are prepared to overlook some serious moral failures in an effort to make them feel welcome.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not for one minute suggesting that we should expect people to have it all sorted before they become a part of the church, we all sin and fail, but what I am suggesting is that we do need to challenge moral standards that fall bellow the standards expected of Christians, whether in our own lives or in the lives of other believers, however long they have been walking with God.
This lack of desire to challenge difficult areas of peoples lives actually does them no favour, they don’t know how they should live because we don’t extol the virtues of a Godly lifestyle.
For example, there are a good number of Christians who don’t realise any more that it is wrong, and against the laws of scripture to live with your girlfriend or have sex outside of marriage, the world says its fine, go on it doesn’t matter and therefore when they come to faith new Christians continue lifestyles that are ungodly simply because no one has told them that it is wrong and it grieves the spirit, that there is another way to live and they should, indeed MUST maintain a different standard from the worlds standard.
As a parent, how can I teach my children the basics of Christian living when the example they see in the church is so far from that standard, when those who my children look up to in church are living by the worlds standards.
I am not suggesting that it is wrong for us to mix with the world, I am not advocating a separatist or elitist attitude or a holier than thou way of living I am not suggesting that we should leave people under condemnation and judgement, but we do need to point to the right and godly standards that we hold dear, or do we hold them dear? I am not so sure about that some times.
In John 8, when the Pharisees brought the woman caught in adultery to him he said ‘let those who are without sin cast the first stone’ as we know the people left one by one, what did Jesus do? he was the one without sin so he could have stoned her but he says ‘they have not condemned you and neither do I’ he could have condemned her but he didn’t he was the one who was holy enough to condemn her but choose, in his love and grace not to, we are in no position to condemn however he does go on to say ‘Go and sin no more’ so we are not to condemn but we are to teach standards and expect that people will be challenged by the spirit.
Neither am I advocating a simple compliance to rules and regulations or following moral standards alone, what people need more than anything is an encounter with the living God, he will bring about life changing transformation in their lives, but along with praying for that encounter with the living God, for both ourselves and others, we do still need to teach right from wrong, in a world where anything goes and there are all shades of grey but no black and white we need to stand up and say NO there is a right and we will maintain the line.
I think that one of the things I find saddest is the way that Christians seem content these days to lower their standards to the levels of the world, particularly in the world of entertainment, a few months ago I watch a few minutes, I think about 10-15 minutes tops, of a comedian, I had heard a couple of Christians rave about this particular comedian, so decided to watch his TV programme, what I was ‘treated’ to was a barrage of swearing and crude jokes and innuendo, including blasphemy, we will come back to blasphemy in a minute, I watched as much as I could cope with and switched off!
Similarly we bought a few DVD’s before Christmas, got some cheapies so some of them were block busters in their day but were pretty old hat, one of these, 4 weddings and a funeral, was so full of people jumping in and out of bed with each other and having affairs etc, we had to turn it off! now I am aware that a good many Christians have watched and enjoyed that film but since when has sin been entertainment to us? does Paul not talk about this in Romans 1:32: Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. in the context of listing sexual sins and impurities that the people of the generation are given over to he then condemns those who are in effect giving assent to those sins and approving of them, I think that in this generation we are in danger of just this, in fact worse, not only do we approve we find it entertainment!!
Getting back to blasphemy, it seems that it has actually become acceptable for blasphemy to be used in every day language, even on TV and radio programmes before watersheds no one stops to think when someone says ‘Oh my God’ do they not realise this is blasphemy? and why not? because we as Christian s have not told them.
On Facebook and Twitter one of the abbreviations used regularly is ‘OMG’ which is basically an abbreviation of the blasphemous comment above, I have even seen it written by Christians! so since when did it become acceptable for Christians to use blasphemous remarks on their Facebook and Twitter status updates?
Please Christian Brothers and sister, consider how you live and try to maintain a lifestyle that is pure and holy, we don’t, make our faith more attractive just by ignoring moral failure and lowering our standards we just make our faith mean less, we loose our distinctive if we water down our standards and morals to match those of the world.
I emphasise again, I am not suggesting that we should be elitist or separatist or that we should condemn the world but that we should live in the world, amongst unbelievers and that our lives should be lives of holiness and purity that challenges their standards and morals.
Where is HE who has been born the King of the Jews?
Mathew 2:1-6
NOW WHEN Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men [astrologers] from the east came to Jerusalem, asking, Where is He Who has been born King of the Jews? For we have seen His star in the east at its rising and have come to worship Him. When Herod the king heard this, he was disturbed and troubled, and the whole of Jerusalem with him. So he called together all the chief priests and learned men (scribes) of the people and * anxiously asked them where the Christ was to be born.
They replied to him, In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet: And you Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, you are not in any way least or insignificant among the * chief cities of Judah; for from you shall come a Ruler Who will govern and [ shepherd My people Israel. [ Mi 5:2]
OK its not very often I quote the bible in my blog, and even less often (if ever!) that I start of a blog post with a quote from the bible, where I have used a quote its usually just 1 verse! so why is this different? I don’t know really! I just felt that the whole section I put in had relevance for what I wanted to say, or ask.
So, my question is very simple, what did the Chief Priests and Scribes do after the birth of Jesus had been revealed to them? here we have some ‘wisemen’ who were astrologers, a practice and occupation that God detests, yet reveals his most miraculous event in all history, the birth of his own son, to such as these, Gentiles no less! and uses their chosen profession, astrology, to do so! strange as that may be, what is even stranger is this, once they get to the palace of Herod and tell of the wonders of the birth of ‘the King of the Jews’ Herod calls the chief priests and scribes and asks them ‘Where is the Christ to be Born?’ they answer by quoting from Micah 5:2 that he is to be born in Bethlehem, OK so these learned people, who proclaim that they are followers of the Lord, who have the truth in them, who have studied scripture all their lives, who KNOW where the Christ is to be born, why did they not go with the wise men to find this miraculous sight? why did they not go to confirm one way or another whether this really was the birth of the one who had been prophesied about so much? Were they not at least a little curious as to what was going on? Indignant possibly at the fact that God had chosen to reveal this news to such as Gentile Astrologers, perhaps a little sceptical that God would reveal this truth to those people, but surely curiosity would have had them explore further?
If that had been me what would I have done? well I hope I would have sought God on the matter, wanting to know whether this was indeed the fulfilment of great promises or just some hoaxers and if I had enquired of the Lord with earnestness would he not have confirmed it in my heart too? even if he hadn’t done so, I think I would have wanted to tag along with the wise men, just to satisfy my own curiosity, I am not convinced that I would have been any more certain that the baby born in such poor circumstances was the one who had come to bring salvation but at least I would have gone to see, and perhaps in doing so put myself into a situation where God would/could speak to me.
Had they become so wrapped up in their own traditions and religion that they had no time for listening to what God was saying or doing in their very presence? they were living at a watershed in history yet they missed what was the biggest sign from God, other people coming into their city and telling of what they had seen and understood from it. It is little wonder that God chose to speak to Gentile sinners & poor Shepherds when the Chief Priests and Learned men (of God) chose to ignore what was brought right to their feet.
Had God been trying to get these people to listen to him for a couple of years, since Jesus Birth and only after trying to grab their attention chose to go instead to those who were outside of his own. We don’t know but I wonder…..
So what? I hear you say, well, if those Chief Priests back then, who held the truth, who had studied Gods word to the extent that they knew where Jesus was to be born, if they can choose to ignore, or not listen to, the truth when its so clear before their own eyes, then what about us? are you, am I, still listening to Gods voice? are we prepared to accept that sometimes God doesn’t work in exactly the way we choose, sometimes he reveals things to those who don’t know the truth in the same way we do, sometimes he chooses to present the truth to us in a way that we least expect and sometimes, well very often actually, he does things in a way that is so different to what we expect, it may run counter to our experience, just because its not in our experience doesn’t mean its not in Gods plan!
I am not advocating following every whim and move that comes our way, not suggesting that we should take in every teaching and every teacher who purports to be giving Gods word, we are still told to judge what we hear/see but lets suspend our own suspicions and cynical spirit and at least wait on God to reveal the truth to us, maybe, just maybe, he has chosen the foolish, or the weak, to shame the wise, maybe, just maybe, he has chosen to work in a way that we didn’t expect, or using people we didn’t expect, even people we wouldn’t choose.
Well thats it for me, just wanting to wish you all a very happy and blessed Christmas and peaceful New Year
Christmas Greetings & the year in review (briefly!)
OK so I though, we are at the end of the year, we have failed to send out many Christmas Cards, so if you haven’t had one from us and expected one the our apologies, if you have received one your one of the few. So if you could accept this little blog post, complete (if it all works) with an animated video Christmas Card! a few shots we took in the snow the other day, as our Christmas Card to you, that would be great.
Christmas Greetings from the Cavanagh Family – Click on the link to get the video, it seems I am unable to import the clip at the moment, for some reason!
Also, the trend these days is towards sending out ‘news letters’ with Christmas Cards, so in an effort to not miss the boat on this trend I am giving a brief (well lets see just how brief when we get to the end shall we!) precee of the year, if your not interested or already know all this just stop reading here. OK so if your reading on then I assume that you want to know the following info. The year started on a low, certainly for me personally, Depression was keeping me at rock bottom, it got even worse, January, February & March were pretty grim, some of you know just how grim it got but it wasn’t good. Fortunately we have a number of really good friends who have been there for us in our times of need, I cant even begin to mention those who did so much, through this year and the end of last year, to support our family for fear of causing offence by missing some out . Suffice to say, we have been extremely grateful to those who have been there for us, who have supported us in so many ways, who have, at times, walked through a huge amount of mire and grime with us and taken a huge amount of negative stuff from me in the process, you guys know who you are and thanks is not enough to cover it, I love you, each of you and can only hope that, if the tables are turned, I will be there for you just as you have been here for me. Depression is not an easy condition to live with, even more so for a Christian, for all sorts of reasons, but it is one that I have had to live with for some time now, I would readily swap it for something else but God has seen fit to allow this to affect my life and all I can do is trust in him in and through the dark times. At the beginning of the year, for me, everything was so bleak and black that I didn’t really care whether I lived or died, I felt as though I was just existing, and barely doing that at times. In spite of the fact that I started the year so low I have to say that much has been achieved in me this year, it is incredible to think where I was at a year ago and look at where I am now. At Easter we managed to get away to Dalesdown, a holiday run for Families of Autistic Children, we had a fantastic support there, from the team as a whole, both kids had carers allocated to them, allowing us to have some breathing space. Incredibly, Natalie got offered a place at a special school in the area, this was incredible because we had been convinced, based on the initial reactions, that the LEA were not going to allow her to go without a fight, in the end they just agreed. So it is with very mixed feelings that this summer Nat had her last day at her village Lower school, a school that had really taken her and our family into their hearts and had come to mean so much to us, the staff had all been fantastic, we presented the school with a new ‘friendship bench’ as a token of our gratitude to them for the care they had shown to Nat. During the Spring Bank Half Term, we had the whole house completely re-wired (electrics) we took the kids away for the week to allow the work to go on unhindered, we went to Southwold and had a great holiday. After we were back I re-decorated Nat’s bedroom, she has had a complete makeover, with new furniture, new lamp shade, new bed, painted walls & border, most of which was chosen by her, especially the girly pink paint. Painting was something I struggled with, I don’t do paint if I can avoid it, but I managed it. During the summer both children went on summer playschemes for 3 weeks, which they both seemed to enjoy. then we went off on another weeks holiday, to Mersey Island, a beautiful little island that is tucked away in Essex, not somewhere we would usually think of going but we had a good time. Whilst we were away, Johys mum and a friend from church got in and decorated our living room, as well as helping clear and de-clutter the rest of the house. The summer ended with me back to work, part time, initially just 3 mornings a week, In the autumn I had 2 conferences to go to, both in London, which is some feat for me as I don’t like travel in London at the best of times, but God was gracious and the journeying, on the second conference, when I was on my own, went incredibly well. In September as well, Natalie started her new school, she is loving it there, and thriving, in no way do we want to criticise her previous school because they were excellent but we have realised even more since she changed school that this was the right time to do it, I think the previous school achieved as much as they could with her and its now over to the special school to work on this and move her forward, indeed the new school have been really impressed with the way she settled into the school and the fact that she didn’t have as many issues as other children coming from mainstream settings, a testimony to the skill and dedication of the staff at her previous school. She is thriving in the school and is a very popular child, with staff and children alike, which is just how it was at her previous school. As for Steven, he is still happy and enjoying life, he has just turned 15 last week and, even though he doesn’t speak it is strange to hear his voice having now broken, when he gurgles and giggles, Steven seems to love life generally and especially loves to swim. We have now had to start looking at his future, beyond schooling, which is a scary prospect in itself. He is still having big problems with hi epilepsy, there has been a sharp increase in seizure rate over the past few weeks as we have decided to try a different medication, which means withdrawing one of the 3 meds he is currently on before introducing the new one, the withdrawal process has an inevitable effect on seizure frequency although not as bad as we had feared it might be. Steven is also a very popular child and all the staff, both at school and his respite placement, love having him, we feel so honoured to have such adorable children, even though they are extremely hard work. Joy has continued to soldier on through thick and thin, she has been a tremendous support to me and taken on a huge extra burden this year as I have been unable to do as much as I should through large parts of the year, this has inevitably left her shattered at times, well most of the time, especially with having to be up at all hours with Steven’s seizures, which mainly occur over night. So to today, I have just finished my last morning in the office this year, it feels good to be able to write that. Christmas day we are at church in the morning then, following on from the success of last years Christmas Day meal, we are out again this year, at a Restaurant, a bit of an expense but one which helps to make our day special.
Book Review: Welcome Home.
My thanks once again to Tyndale for providing me with a courtesy copy of ‘Welcome Home: Our Family’s Journey to Extreme Joy‘ to read and review.
This book, written by Kimberley Woodhouse, is the story of one families struggle against and in the face of adversity.
Kim’s son was born with various medical issues but her daughter was born with a very rare medical disorder that meant that she didn’t feel any pain, didn’t sweat and had to wear special cooling clothing to go outside.
Kim & her husband, Jeremy, have had more than their share of trials and difficulties in their life but in the face of it all they continue to say ‘Consider it pure Joy’ this is their story, the story of a family who have had to redefine ‘normal’ as it applies to their lives and who have had to undergo so much in order to give their children the best chance of success and anything near a ‘normal’ life.
Moving house and changing jobs, several times in a short time in order to give the children the best opportunities possible.
It seems that just as they get settled into some kind of routine and have an expectation that things are settling down then another trauma or issue occurs that causes huge problems for them.
In the course of seeking the best care for their children the Woodhouse family racked up huge debts and even ended up loosing their house.
Any American’s reading this blog might recognise the family from their apearance on ‘Extreme Makeover: Home edition’ this book finishes with them having been given the opportunity of a lifetime, having a purpose built home made for them as a part of this TV series (for my UK friends think DIY SOS on steroids!) where they see first hand the love and affection of many hundreds of people.
This book is a gripping read but could not possibly have been a work of fiction, there is no way that any author would dream up so many difficulties and trials in the course of one family, it would be just too unbelievable.
I found myself so wrapped up in the lives of the Woodhouse family I almost feel as if I know them personally.
Kim tells, in unusual honesty and candour, of her own struggles in the face of adversity, she tells it as it is and leaves us in no doubt as to the struggles that she had at times, with accepting God’s will and purpose for her life and that of her family, it is so refreshing to see this kind of honesty and no attempt to over spiritualise their lives, she struggled many times and makes that clear, which gives hope to those of us who have also been through, or are going through, real difficulties in our own lives.
I was moved and challenged by this book, moved by the heartbreaking situation that the Woodhouse found themselves in and challenged by their unswerving faith and commitment to God, and their steadfastness to the principle of James 1:2-4 and continue to say, even if through gritted teeth ‘Consider it pure Joy’
I would recommend this book for anyone who is struggling with difficulties and hardship in any area of their lives, or those who have gone through and know what it is to struggle and face trials, that probably includes you at a guess, it certainly includes me.
Mosaic Bible – Book Review
My Thanks to Tyndale Publishers for giving me a courtesy copy of The Holy Bible: Mosaic
I have the honour of hosting Keith Williams (General Editor of the Mosaic Bible) on my blog, over the next couple of days he will be answering all your queries and questions about this bible, in addition, you have the opportunity to win a copy of the bible, I have a voucher ready to send out to the winner, all you have to do is comment on my blog, ask a question, tell me why you should win, or just make a comment about this review or the Mosaic Bible, to be entered into a draw to win the voucher, this competition is open to anyone who comments before midnight – GMT (UTC) on 18th November.
OK as a Christian the Bible is very important to me so having the opportunity to review and check out a new Bible is pretty cool.
When I say ‘New Bible’ its not a new version or a new translation, the Bible text used, as might be expected from Tyndale, is the NLT, New Living Translation, this just happens to be my favourite version which makes this product even better.
Anyhow, what’s new with this Bible is the material, placed at the front of the Bible, for study and meditation, the material is made up from inspiration writings, readings, poems, prayers & artwork, from a whole host of sources, the publishers claim that this material covers every continent and every generation of Christian History, I have to say that from my reading so far there is a wealth of material from a whole range of church traditions.
The Bible takes its name, Mosaic, from the concept that each item is like a fragment of coloured material, unique in colour, shape and size, of its own it looks lovely but placed expertly together it forms a beautiful Mosaic Picture.
This Bible is designed primarily to be studied liturgically, through the Church Calendar, beginning at the start of the Christian year, which is the first Sunday of Advent (something I only learnt very recently) but there are 2 other suggested methods of using this material, I shall address these 2 first, briefly, before returning to the Liturgy side of things.
firstly, you can study the material by topic, there is a topical index included and you can pick topics in any order you wish to study them.
or you could use the bible with your existing study or bible reading programme/notes, as you do you will find that there are cross references back to material in the front section you can take the opportunity to supplement your own study with this additional devotional material.
Other features of the bible include a Greek/Hebrew word study guide and a theological dictionary combined with concordance, both to be found at the back of the bible.
The bible is also a cross reference bible, with the usual cross references to be found down the centre column of each page, there are also wide margins to the left and right of each page for users to write their own notes.
But returning to the main attraction of this bible, which is the liturgical study material, this is at the front of the bible and is arranged, as I said before, around the main Christian feasts and the Liturgical calendar, coming from a non-conformist background I am not familiar with the liturgical church year but am finding it very interesting, the material is built around weekly themes such as ‘The Wilderness’ ‘Blame’ ‘Service’ ‘Seeking and Saving’ and ‘Gods Holiness & Grace’ the material is not divided into daily readings/thoughts for the day instead you are treated to a fair degree of freedom in how you use the material, each weeks material is made up of 4 main scripture readings, an optional extra reading and a variety of poems, prayers, inspirational work and though provokers, as the reader you are free to choose exactly what you do with the material.
Not being an intellectual type of person I enjoyed the laid back style as it enabled me to take it at the depth I was comfortable with and I found it best to use the material in a fairly meditative way, I have got into getting through the firs treading of the material by about Wednesday, leaving the remainder of the week for me to meditate on specific parts or go back on things that struck with me and re-read that, however I also felt free to stick with one core aspect for a large part of the week e.g. a particular liturgical prayer, there was no compulsion to have to get through the material.
I am pretty sure that this material would appeal to people at all stages of their Christian walk, due to the free style structure of the material.
The bible readings are not reproduced within the study material but are cross referenced to, they include page numbers, which is very useful to those who are less familiar with the layout of the Bible.
I have to say that I did enjoy the material, it excited me in its approach, I am not too familiar with the liturgical style of responsive prayers but have really appreciated the freshness with which it brings some really good material together.
The study material also includes space fro the user to add comments, the reader is encouraged to engage with the material and write their own thoughts and ideas in the spaces provided, to in a sense, add their own pieces to the mosaic.
There is also plenty of opportunity to interact with other users in their on line forum where you can discuss the material, especially helpful as most people will be studying the same material at the same time.
I have a feeling that there could well be regular updates to this study material as ideas and thoughts are collected from people around the globe as they study.
Also, whilst talking about the on line material, there is a helpful study guide calendar so that you can find out where you should be at any point in the calendar, very helpful if, like me, you come in part way through the liturgical calendar, or if you loose your way and need to pick it up again at a later date.
I do have 2 negatives though, firstly, I refereed earlier to the topical index, I have to say that I have found this pretty difficult to comprehend, I just think this could have been made much simpler and more straightforward.
the second criticism is that I cant understand the need to put this material together with a bible, the material stands on its own 2 legs bundling it into a new bible just adds unnecessarily to the cost of the material, one that I suspect will put some people off buying it, most Christians have a good number of bibles, in a variety of translations and, if they were to be honest they would admit that most of their bibles just sit there gathering dust! So why do they need yet another bible?
Having said that though, it is actually the first physical version of the NLT I have had, although I use the NLT for all my own personal study I have tended to use the bible study software and bible notes from my laptop or my smart phone (both of which have the NLT set as my default version. I have to confess that I have realised, in using this material, how much I have missed picking up a real physical Bible.
In all I have found this material to be fresh and exciting, it is a real departure from anything that I have experienced before and I have really enjoyed it, the whole feel, right from the cover design through to the nature of the material and the way it is put together has a very Celtic feel to it, which I really appreciate, I think that I am a closet Celt, I am sure that I would feel really comfortable in the Iona Community, its on my list of places to visit before I die.
I think this Bible would make an ideal Christmas Gift for a loved one or for yourself, especially if you have struggled to get into other more structured material in the past or are new to the idea of studying the word.
One closing plea though, thinking back to my comments about the number of bibles that people do posses, if you do find yourself with a copy of this bible please consider turning out all those unused bibles, if you don’t have a good home for them contact me and I will give you my mailing address, our church has links with churches in Africa who are crying out for Bible’s especially study bibles, Many of the leaders, never mind individual members, don’t posses their own study bible, if you send me your old bibles I can assure you that it will find its way into the hands of African Christians who will really appreciate and treasure them.
OK so now I have had my say, its over to you, I look forward to hearing your questions, comments and thoughts on my review and on the Mosaic Bible, don’t forget that Keith Williams is here to answer your questions and comments and one of you could be the winner of a voucher and obtain their own copy of the Mosaic Bible.
Welcome
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Welcome to our blog, we trust that you find this blog useful and interesting.
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Verse of the day:- NLTverse: I have had one message ... of repenting from sin ... and of having faith in our Lord Jesus. Acts 20:21 NLT http://ow.ly/2zRSe 07/09/2010NLTverse: I have had one message ... of repenting from sin ... and of having faith in our Lord Jesus. Acts 20:21 NLT http://ow.ly/2zRSe […]
- NLTverse: I have had one message ... of repenting from sin ... and of having faith in our Lord Jesus. Acts 20:21 NLT http://ow.ly/2zRSe 07/09/2010
