Things wot stain affect the flavour. (said in best Bedforshire slang!)
OK before we get into this post I need to put a disclaimer in place, the photograph to the left is NOT a photo of one of our mugs, it is a picture I got off t’internet click the image to see where I got it from. I just couldn’t be bothered to dig my own camera out and take a photo of one of our mugs.
That being said I can now get into the topic of this post.
As many of you will already know I am a coffee drinker, I drink real coffee, and where possible avoid the instant stuff that clams to be coffee, I will drink it if its offered, more out of politeness but I am a real fresh brew man.
What you possibly don’t know, unless you know us pretty well, is that Joy does NOT drink coffee, of any sort, she is a tea drinker, she does not like the taste of coffee, so we never partake of the same hot beverage, I drink coffee not tea and Joy drinks tea not coffee.
In our kitchen we have a vast array of mugs, just odd mugs we have collected from here there and everywhere, one of Joy’s hobbies is collecting mugs, anyhow, there are some mugs that are ‘hers’ and some that are mine, yet others that are used by either one of us. more out of ritual & an unwritten rule rather than out of a real insistence of us not sharing each others mugs.
The other day I made myself a coffee, well I think Joy actually made it and left it brewing in the kitchen, so I only had to pour it out (cafetiere, which is my favourite way to have coffee made) which I duly did, into the first mug I grabbed, which just happened to be one of Joy’s mugs, one that she got a couple of months ago for her 40th Birthday, says something like ‘I am not 40 just 18 with 22 years experience, but I digress…. the point being its not an old mug, but one she uses a lot.
Anyhow, I used this mug for some reason without paying much attention to it, until I started to drink the coffee, because I realised that the coffee had a very strange taste to it, after a few sips it dawned on me that it had a tea taste, on checking what mug I was using I realised that it was indeed one of Joy’s tea mugs.
Now, this mug looked clean, it hasn’t be around for years, she does have 1 mug that has obvious permanent tea staining inside it, but she loves drinking from that mug, we are not talking that mug but one that has been used a lot recently but still looks basically clean, yet it still had a tea taste to it. Of course you need to understand that we are a dishwasher free household, largely because there isn’t space for such an appliance in our kitchen, I am sure that cups/mugs washed in dishwashers come up as clean as new each time, but when you wash mugs by hand it is near impossible to rid it of all the tea staining.
I realise that many younger readers will not have seen things such as teapots with huge amounts of tea staining on the inside, partly because lots of people don’t even use teapots these days but if you have a dishwasher & wash your teapot in the dishwasher it doesn’t build up stains, but it is a long lasting memory from my childhood, seeing the teapot so badly stained, I am sure this is part of why I never liked tea.
But back to the tea mug I was using, it is incredible how that tiny amount of staining, visible yet not obvious, can affect the taste of my coffee, tea is generally considered to be a much more subtle tasting drink than coffee yet the tea taste overpowered the taste of coffee, even fresh real coffee.
So it is in our lives, if we have things in our lives that have stained us, it is going to flavour everything we do, everything else that we taste will have that subtle yet unmistakeable taint of the stain, unless and until we deal with it, a simple wash will not deal with the stain it needs a good dishwasher to get rid of the stain and the taste before it is suitable for use for another purpose.
Anyone for Coffee?
Book Review: Friendship for Grownups
You will by now be well aware that I regularly receive free books to read and give an honest review on, this is one such book, I received from Thomas Nelson Publishers. the book is called: Friendship for Grown-Ups: What I Missed and Learned Along the Way by Lisa Whelchel.
As with so many of these books, it is an American book written by an American Christian Author but then what would be expected from an American Christian Publishing House?
Anyhow, the way these blog reviews work is the publishers list books they have for review, usually brand new just released, or pre-release, books, then as a blogger reviewer I can simply request copies of books that look interesting to me, so it is with this book, I signed up to be a reviewer and then waited for it to arrive.
I have to say I signed up to this book because the subject matter looked to be one that interested me and one I needed to explore, as I have some issues in that particular area, for a number of reasons I struggle with relationships/friendships. It was with some disappointment then that I read the cover page and inside sleeves (yes as with most books I get for review it is a hardback copy, never had so many hardback books in my life!) to find out that this book was really aimed at a female audience, it is written, as I already knew, by a female but very much with a female audience in mind!
EEK, Now what? Well I had no real option, I still had to honour the commitment and read and review, I thought about asking Joy to do the review but then decided that was out of the question, there was no way I would get her to agree, for a numebr of reasons, so ball back in my court!
So I have now read the book and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it, the book is basically a bit about one area of Lisa’s life, Americans will be aware that she was a child star in a children’s TV series, so was a household name and one that many Americans of my age will have grown up with, but this early break into stardom wasn’t without its problems, it took its toll on Lisa and her ability to make ‘normal’ relationships and friendships.
All the way through the book I could see so much of myself and my own situation in the book, as well as indentifying people who were so similar to some of the ‘friends’ Lisa mad ealong the way as she made this painful and long journey of self discovery and building relationships on a more secure and healthy basis.
So even though this book was written primarily for a female audience I have received and benefited a lot from reading it, it has also been interesting because, as some of you will be aware, I am undergoing some counselling at the moment, as a result of Depression last year, and so many of the principles as well as much of the language used in this book are so similar to the things that my counsellor has been talking about, its really uncanny.
I think Lisa is well down a journey that I have not yet started walking, I think I am probably too vulnerable at the moment to go there, but a journey that I know I will need to make, in some way, over the coming months, a journey that includes and involves pain and healing as well as discovery and development.
So yes I think it was intended that I read this book, it was tough going in places but well worth the work.
So what are my thoughts? If there is a criticism of the book I think I would say that I struggled reading it with a whole part of Lisa’s life not being talked about, in the context of relationships to not talk at all about her relationship with her husband was really strange, I often felt there were gaps that I wanted filling in, but then perhaps that is because I am a man, and a husband? Not sure but certainly for me it left lots of questions and wondering about things, other than that I felt she struck the right balance between being honest, at times brutally honest, about where she was at, and her own failings and keeping some things unsaid because it wasn’t necessary to give the whole picture, Lisa is an excellent and honest writer, she pulls no punches and doesn’t try dressing things up what you get is the real Lisa warts and all and I for one like that honesty, but then that’s exactly what the book is about so what else would you expect?
I honestly dont think this book hould be marketed as being just for women, I think there are very strong and good principles that can be taken on board by men, I acknowledge that men have very different relationships with each other than women have with each other, and it is these difference that come into stark contrast when reading this book, I suspect that very few men would read it, but dont forget, if you get the hardback copy you can always slip off the cover and replace it with the cover of another, more manly, book. Like the Blokes Bible?
Anyhow, this book includes 3 appendices which are also very helpful, including a set of questions, by chapter, to facilitate group discussion & a list of helpful practical tips for growing friendships, to quote her opening paragraph to the practical tips: ‘I know that I sometimes read a book and thin, OK I know what do do but I don’t have a clue how to do it. It is my hope that God has spoken to you through my personal story and that he is already speaking into your heart about specific steps towards more intimate friendships. At the same time sometimes we need a friend to take our hand and walk beside us, step by step to get started on the journey. With this in mind I have created an appendix in more of a ‘how to’ format. I hope that it is a helpful reference for you as you take baby steps toward mature friendships.’ This appendix is again broken down by chapter.
I would strongly recommend this book for women who are struggling with issues of relationships, knowing how to have real meaningful relationships, as well as for Women’s study groups, I am sure that this book, along with the accompanying quesitons, would be a real aid to building strong and secure relationships with other women within a group study session, but then again who am I to make that assessment? After all I am a mere Man, I shall however be passing this book along to Joy for her to look at and see if she thinks it would be appropriate for the women’s group she is a part of.
I have been challenged by this book and would also recommend it as reading for any guys who are struggling in the area of relationship, as I said the principles and truths are, in many cases, transferable, and certainly the problems encountered are common regardless of gender.
So, go on give it a try, waht have you got to lose?
lessons from a trapeze artist….
As many of you will know, from previous posts, I regularly receive books to read and review, one that I am currently reading (well nearly finished actually) at the moment is Friendship for Grown-Ups: What I Missed and Learned Along the Way by Lisa Whelchel has been a real challenge to me in places, but I don’t intend to go into too much detail on that right here and now, suffice to say a review will be forthcoming in probably about a week.
What I wanted to write about at the moment is a quote she puts in her book that’s obviously impacted her, she got it from Henri Nouwen in a book called Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation on Dying and Caring As you might have guessed I have been as impacted by this illustration as Lisa was so I have decided to dedicate a whole blog post to it.
I am sure it doesnt need any further explanation or clarification from me, it stands all by itself.
Henri had a conversation with a famous flying trapeze artist which went as follows:
One day, I was sitting with Rodleigh, the leader of the troupe, in his caravan, talking about flying. He said ‘as a flyer, I must have complete trust in my catcher. The public might think that I am the great star of the trapeze, but the real star is Joe, my catcher. He has to be there for me with split second precision and grab me out of the air as I come to him in the long jump.’ ‘How does it work?’ I asked. ‘The secret’ Rodleigh said, ‘is that the flyer does nothing, the catcher does everything. When I fly to Joe, I have to simply stretch out my arms and hands and wait for him to catch me and pull me safely over the apron behind the catchbar.’
‘You do nothing!’ I said surprised. ‘Nothing’ Rodleigh repeated. ‘The worst thing the flyer can do is to try catching the catcher. I am not supposed to catch Joe it is Joe’s task to catch me. If I grab Joe’s wrists, I might break them or he might break mine, and that would be the end for both of us. A flyer must fly and a catcher must catch, and the flyer must trust, with outstretched arms, that his catcher will be there for him.’
nuff said!
the ISA (nothing to do with savings accounts!)
So, a couple of blog posts ago I did a blog entitled Bloggers Block and wasn’t really sure what I was going to write as I wasn’t sure I had anything to write but the subsequent post was one that seemed to be appreciated as the act of writing seemed to unblock the dam.
So, in the spirit of that post I once again don’t know exactly what I am going to write but feel I need to write something, so this post MAY turn out like the Blogger Block one on the other hand it may not even see the light of day.
Anyhow, very different to last time I have left the title blank for now as I couldn’t even come up with the inspiration for a title, I can go back and put that in after I know what this post is about.
So, what to say? hows about the weekend? Well as many of you will know, Steven was in respite over the weekend and good friends of ours took Natalie off our hands for the afternoon, so this could have lead to a nice peaceful afternoon for us except that I had signed up, in my foolishness, to an ISA Roadshow, for those who don’t know the ISA is the Independant Safeguarding Authority and it has to do with the protection of children and vulnerable adults, basically new rules are coming in that affect those who work in certain lines of work or in places where they have access to vulnerable people, this is to alongside the current CRB checks but for the first time ever make such checks and ISA registration a legal requirement.
The course I attended was run by CCPAS (the Churches Child Protection Advisory Service) who we use to carry out CRB checks and for advice on such issues.
Anyhow, the day was long and very draining, I arrived home pretty shattered, although it was well worth going and it answered a number of our questions and queries over the whole ISA scheme, it is clear that this scheme is, on the whole, a very good step in the right direction, in terms of making it a legal requirement for people to be registered to undertake such work as would bring them in contact with vulnerable adults and children, as well as making it a legal requirement for organisations using staff/volunteers in these kinds of roles to check the ISA registration, as well as to report to the ISA any issues or concerns they have relating to staff/volunteers.
I can’t help but think though that with all the beurocracy that will inevitably surround the ISA they will still be making stupid decisions, both ways, and we will see endless cases of things going wrong, but I might be wrong. On the face of it it looks good but in and off itself will, sadly, not prevent people being abused but it might make it more difficult for persistent abusers to get away with it and therefore cut down on the number of children and vulnerable adults being abused.
I know that there are many who are very anti the ISA and all it stands for, often based on very biased and irresponsible reporting on the part of the Telegraph! The guy running the session on Saturday said that the Telegraph, in-particular, have continually printed incorrect information on the ISA and when he or his staff have called the reporter to put the record straight they have listened to him and then just said something like, well we hear that but we wont be printing a correction because it is our editorial policy to oppose the ISA and therefore we need to maintain that line, I have to say it begs the question what the hierarchy at the Telegraph have got to hide if they are so opposed to the ISA that they will lie to try getting the public against it, why are they so afraid of the ISA?
Anyhow, there have been enough cases recently highlighted where abuse has gone on with multiple victims over many years that surely people see the benefits for such a scheme, especially for example the issues over the heads of churches covering up and ignoring abuse allegations made gains clergy, under these new rules the heads of churches will have a legal duty (as well as the moral duty they already had) to make sure these allegations are followed up on and not just ignored or swept under the carpet. That can’t be a bad thing, can it?
Yes more bureaucracy but this one looks like it might work, certainly the folk at CCPAS, who are very moderate in their views, are very happy with the legislation and are optimistic that it WILL make a difference, these are people who have been working within the relevant government departments to help flesh out the details of this legislation and to ensure that it is legislation that works and is sensible and proportionate, if they are optimistic for the ISA then I have to say I can share their optimism.
It is a sad fact of life that there are those who choose to abuse, for their own evil pleasure, children and vulnerable adults, if it were not the case then such legislation would not be required, Jessica and Holly would still be alive as would countless hundreds of other children, and adults, who have paid the ultimate price at the hands of their sick and evil abusers, not to mention the hundreds of thousands of people who have huge psychological issues because of the abuse they suffered at the hands of others.
It is also a sad fact that those sick individuals deliberatelly target jobs and volunteer opportunities that give them access to the vulnerable adults and children who they prey on, therefore no one will convince me that legislation and practice which makes it more difficult for such people to have access to the precious children an adults who we are all responsible for ensurign are kept safe, is anything but good.
Of course CRB checks and ISA registration will only deal with known offenders, we still need to ensure that our practices and policies make it more difficult for abusers to get away with what they do and at the very least that the get caught and brought to book as early and quickly as possible, this requires all of us to remain vigilant and to look out for the welfare and care of those who are more vulnerable than we are.
The ISA and the regulations that have begun to come into place already and will be rolled out over the next few years, will and do have an impact on workers and volunteers as well as the organisations, who work with vulnerable adults and children throughout the country, sometimes change is a good thing, as you will have heard me say before, my view is that these changes are a good thing and we should do all we can to embrace them and ensure that they work, along with our other safeguarding policies, to prevent paedophiles and abusers from getting access to the vulnerable in or society.
If you do want/need advice on the ISA or any issue related to do with abuse, whether it be advice about a situation you are concerned with or that you are/have been the victim of abuse yourself I can think of no better startign place than CCPAS, just visit their web site and you will see various ways of contacting them, including a 24/7 helpline.
OK so this post has ended up being about the ISA! so now to go back and fill in the title.
A Rap…….. on the knuckles that is! and a quote/prayer for you..
I got told off, well kind of, for the last sentence in my previous post where I said that what I write isn’t worth reading.
And I guess that she has a point, after all she had read right through to the end of my post, as she does with all of them, to find that comment, so it must have been worth reading!
So, here is my apology to you all for saying that, I promise to be a good boy today.
Right now we have the apology out of the way, I am a fan, as many of you will know, of the NLT Bible and am really enjoying my Mosaic Bible, with meditation material. I can’t claim to read it every day, or even read every weeks material completely but I really appreciate it when I I do pick it up and read from it, in amongst the material, much of which comes from a different age, are some real nuggets of truth that are such a blessing to read.
Anyhow, I read the following quote this morning, or was it this afternoon? well either way the quote is:
O Lord, we besech thee to deliver us from the fear of the unknown future; from the fear of failure; from the fear of poverty; from the fear of bereavement; from the fear of loneliness; from the fear of sickness and pain; from the fear of old age; and from the fear of death. Help us, O father, by thy grace to love and fear thee only, fill our hearts with cheerful courage and loving trust in thee; through our Lord and Master Jesus Christ.
Akanu Ibaim (Nigeria / 1906-1995)
I was pretty struck by the fullness and depth of the quote so thought I would share it with you. Simple really, no words of wisdom from me just that quote, which was obviously written in Authorised Version English but yet is so profound and significant for many, many of us have fears and worries and so desperately NEED Christ to fill our hearts with cheerful courage and loving trust in him.
Perhaps this was a bit of an answer to my previous post? I don’t know! but it is certainly very timely for me.
Book Review: NLT Devotions for Lent, from the Mosaic Bible.
My thanks, once again, to Tyndale for provision of not just 1 but a whole pack of 10 copies of Devotions for Lent (Holy Bible: Mosaic) free of charge, for me to review the product.
Well, this may just about be the fastest time from receipt of item to posting the review, basically I opened the pack about an hour ago and am now ready to review.
but first a little background. Some of you may recall my review back in November, of the Mosaic Bible, the review can be read here well hot on the heels of this successful, and in my mind brilliant, product, Tyndale have now published a little booklet with devotions for lent, what I had not realised before signing up to review the product was that it is essentially the whole of the Mosaic devotional material for Lent, with nothing added and nothing taken away, in a pocket sized booklet, complete with excerpts from the relevant scripture readings for the weeks.
So what you get is a weeks worth of devotional material to use and study through the week as you see fit, the reason why I don’t need to spend too long on the material is simply because I am already doing it using My Mosaic Bible.
So, my thoughts, well obviously if, like me, you already posses a copy of the Mosaic Bible this is not worth buying, its not expensive but totally unnecessary as there is nothing that you don’t get with the mosaic bible.
That said, the material is as good as the Mosaic Bible material, I am still enjoying doing the Mosaic Devotional material each week and this material will be no exception.
But, if you have heard about the Mosaic Bible and have been wondering whether it is the right product for you then this is an easy, and cheap, way of finding out whether you will get anything out of the Mosaic Bible, due to the very unique and different way the material is laid out I am not convinced that everyone will enjoy the Mosaic Bible as much as I have, so being able to spend £2.50 on this little booklet to find out whether you would enjoy the mosaic is an excellent option, they do packs of 10 for, available on Amazon for about £15 which is worth considering if you want to try this material with a small group or church Lent Meditations.
The scripture portions have, as you would expect, been taken from the New Living Translation, which is a huge plus to me as this is still my favourite version of the bible and I am gradually working on others in the church to try and convert them over to this particular version of the bible.
As an aside here, if you are in a Christian Bookshop some time, have a look at the bibles and compare the prices of the NLT with other translations, I think you will be shocked and surprised at how much cheaper the NLT is than some other versions, no names mentioned but the version which sells the most copies worldwide is probably just about the most expensive! This alone is one good reason to switch versions.
SO, is there much else to say? other than I love the material, well yes, in the Mosaic Bible one of the features I liked was that the scripture section, the actual bible was left unadulterated, they didn’t mix the devotional material with the scripture text, this made it clear to see what was Gods words and what was Mans words.
Well, in this booklet they have kept the same format, presumably for the same reason as above, to avoid mixing up Gods word and Mans word, in the front, the devotional material, you just find a reference, with page No’s to the scripture portions for the week, I can understand the reason for this, if it is as above, but as it is only scripture portions rather than the whole bible I would have preferred the scripture portions to have been placed in with the rest of the devotional material for the week, would have been a bit easier to use and handle, they could have differentiated scripture with different colours or different fonts, but that’s my single biggest criticism of the material.
the second criticism is the font, they have used a very small font and this couple with some of the fanct fotn styles used as part of the Mosaic trademark makes it difficult to read in places, unless my eysight is failing, which at my age is a distinct possibility, I think that they could consider giving awy magnifying glasses with this product but it might put the cost up a bit.
The other criticism I have is more a criticism of the Tyndale organisation, they only advertised this particular product as being available for review at the beginning of Lent Week 1, and sent the product out in Lent Week 2, this is lousy timing, having now received the material, just in time to start lent week 3, if I had not been using the material already it would have been at least another week before I got My review up and published, so by the time that you, my reading audience were reading this blog post and had got yourself organised to buy the lent material it would be Easter.
It would have been so much more useful to have got the material to reviewers in time to put reviews up before Lent begun, that being said, what I will probably do is to repeat this blog post next year, just before lent, in order to give people a reminder about getting the material for lent, if I remember that is!
Anyhow, just about the shortest book review ever for me, mind you its a short little booklet so that figures!
I now have 9 copies available to give away, I am not keeping one myself but Joy has taken one, if anyone is interested in any let me know, preference will be given to anyone at our church, especially if they are thinking of using this in a Connect group, probably next year? Just get in touch and let me know how many you might want.
Stale Mate
That’s how I feel, spiritually and emotionally, at the moment.
Like my life has reached one big stalemate!
I feel as though I can’t go anywhere really, just stay put moving between 2 squares, back and forth, back and forth.
I wish I could move but there seems to be no real option for movement.
Some of this ‘stale mate’ is caused by me feeling emotionally empty, unable to reach into my emotions and connect with myself, totally cold to how I feel and think, it’s almost a numbness, like not sure what’s going on not sure how I should react and unable to react all at the same time.
Now, part of this is almost certainly a result of the medication I am on for Depression, I am on very high doses of 2 different Anti Depressants and these do have the effect of blunting your emotions, this is a good and important thing to keep you ‘safe’ but it also gets in the way of true ‘recovery’ and anything of a ‘normal’ emotional life.
But the added thing is that I have, by and large sub consciously, pushed my own emotions into neutral, and tried burying the issues that I know need dealing with, the things that are getting in the way of my recovery and moving on. Part of this, as I said is largely sub conscious, learnt methods of protecting myself built up over a lifetime.
In some ways I know I need to deal with this stuff and in order to deal with it I have to face the pain but at the same time I am protecting myself from the pain by burying it because I have to ‘keep it together’ I don’t have the opportunity to allow myself to fall to pieces, I have to keep myself together and get on with everyday life.
I have to admit I am scared of letting myself deal with this stuff as I am scared of what is there; most of it I already know is not very pleasant.
I am also scared of finding myself back where i was this time last year and for this reason am protecting myself yet in a very real sense in protecting myself I am probably making the possibility of a repeat far more likely.
I am going to counselling and yet we are only able to touch around the edges of stuff as I am just finding it too difficult to open up to what’s really there, what’s really going on.
It’s not even as if I am feeling pain and hurt inside at the moment, I’m not! People ask me how I am and I can answer in all honestly I am fine, I am OK, because I am, just don’t delve too deeply because you might find it’s not as good as it first appears.
I can handle life like this but it is very dry, empty and, well pointless, I can go through the motions, with no emotion, I can do but not feel, it’s not that life is falling to bits around me but the truth is it probably needs to be allowed to fall to bits but I can’t allow that, it wouldn’t be good for me to allow that, it’s too messy, I have a life, well existence, to live, I have responsibilities and I am not sure I can handle these responsibilities and my emotions all at the same time.
There are no ‘quick fixes’ for the kind of mess that lies underneath the surface and I am not sure there is the energy within me to go for the long haul, it almost seems better to just stuff it all back inside and pretend like it’s not there, but I know that in the long run it won’t do me much good.
Spiritually I can go through the motions, read my bible, do my bit but there seems to be no real relationship with God right now, I am not in the position I was in most of last year, certainly the first half of last year, where I hated God, but I just don’t know that I can have a real relationship with him.
If I enter into much of a relationship with him he will only begin to open the wounds that are there, exposing the hurt and pain and I can’t allow that so it’s better to keep things on a flat empty level.
If I allow what’s inside of me to bubble out I know I will just fall to pieces, I will not be able to handle it and at the moment I can handle it, just about, I can just keep it inside and ignore it, that isn’t sorting the problem at all but it is saving me from the short term pain and the risk of the serious swing in my emotions I experienced last year.
I am afraid of letting my mind stay out of gear for too long because when it does all sorts of things surface, things that need to be kept under the surface, things that are best buried and hidden out of sight, the same applies at a spiritual level, I am afraid of opening up to God because it leads to my heart, it leads to the stuff that buried coming to the surface and I can’t do that.
It is so tiring and draining to live life where you can’t allow your mind to relax, where you can’t allow yourself to drop your guard and unwind, where you have to keep your brain active and mind focused on something, anything, as long as it’s not on yourself.
Now most of this is sub conscious thinking and behaviour, as I said before, learnt from a lifetime of having to protect myself from further hurt and I can’t easily change this even if I wanted to, and I am not sure whether I do want to.
How do you move forward when every move you make is going to lead to you loosing? How do you get from this place of being trapped and empty to a place of freedom? The only way of achieving it is via the route of PAIN and I am not sure I am ready for that, yet living the life I am right now is tiring and could so easily lead to the tinderbox that is my buried emotions blowing up big time.
So there you have it, I am not sure what else there is that I can easily and usefully add, I am struggling to make sense of all this myself, well not really struggling because I don’t want to make sense of it, if things remain as they are I suspect that I might as well stop counselling as it isn’t really going to resolve anything, part of me WANTS to resolve things but another part of me doesn’t, part of me wonders HOW I can resolve things yet another part of me wonders how I can keep it buried and prevent it from all blowing up on me.
If only someone could just say some words and make things better for me, but I know that isn’t going to happen, it’s not likely that God will just come and sort things out over night so that I wake totally better, there is a process that has to be gone through but it’s a process I am not sure I am ready for, not sure I ever will be ready for, in the meantime, life will trundle on, I will continue to exist and don what needs to be done, until I fall to pieces again. But as long as I can keep my mind from straying into undesirable territory I should be able to keep going for a bit longer.
Back to the title of the post, Stale Mate, I sometimes wonder whether it would be better for me to just end the stalemate by going for Checkmate! But that again is just too dangerous so stale mate is where we have to stay.
[houdini]
An Anniversary I would rather not have.
OK so a weird title eh?
It was the anniversary, during the week, of an event that I am not going to enlarge on here, for reasons too personal to mention but suffice to say that this time last year I was suffering from pretty severe depression, as anyone who knows me at all will have been well aware.
I had actually been suffering from depression for a couple of years and it hadn’t been taken overly seriously up to this point but during January last year things got so bad that people did begin to sit up and take notice.
I think things had to reach a real bad low before the professionals would take me seriously, which they did eventually do, this time last year things had got so bad that, to be totally blunt I wasn’t bothered whether I lived or died, and that is a pretty bad place to be for all sorts of reasons.
No one could convince me that life was worth living or that I had any purpose or value at all, if I am totally honest, and I do try to be, I would say I am still not sure exactly what value my life has but that is another story altogether.
Anyhow, as anyone who knows me and was involved with that part of my life, nothing and no one could convince me that there was any point or purpose in my existence.
Depression is a pretty devastating illness in that you just loose all perspective and al grip on reality is gone, alongside that I had huge trouble with my memory, not that its ever been that great but that is another story, I got so that I could barely remember something that was said to me just minutes before, it was pretty shocking how bad that was and tiredness, all I wanted to do was sleep, I would have been content to let the whole world pass me by as I slept.
As I have already said, I had lost all perspective, to me the grief and the tough stuff in life loomed larger than the good stuff and I couldn’t cope, I just felt that the world was caving in around me and it would have been better for me to be out of the equation, to even think that I might be of use or have a purpose here would have been out of the question, such is the depth of depression that it was pretty much impossible for me to conceive of life ever changing, I couldn’t even remember better times gone by, of which there had been many.
It was during this time, a time when I felt abandoned and deserted by God, a time when I felt that God hated me, in fact being totally up front with you, I hated him too, for abandoning me, a time when I felt as though everyone was against me.
It was into this time that real friendships were forged, it was during this time that so many really showed their care and love for me, and for us as a family, it was in the darkness of those days, when I could no longer cling to anything that my friends instead clung to me, and boy did they have to cling!
These friends, in a very real way, kept me in one piece, by their thoughts and actions as well as their prayers, those who were Christians, but every one of them was so precious and valuable to me and played a huge part in keeping me from sinking further, if that were possible.
Anyhow, as I said, my relationship with God was at an all time low, a strange experience for me as I became a Christian out of a pretty dire situation emotionally and had never known this depth of feeling abandoned before. It was as if God had just shut the door on me and left me out on a stormy night with no shelter or food and was totally oblivious to my knocking on the door to be let in.
During this time my counsellor, I begun counselling in about February of last year, said that she believe I could get better and would get better and asked for permission to hold that light of hope for me as I couldn’t hold it for myself, it was a strange concept for me at the time but I think in many ways this is exactly what all my friends were doing for me, holding a light of hope, holding a candle of hope, keeping the light lit because I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it for myself.
The other thing about Depression that makes it such a difficult illness, and it is an illness, is the misunderstanding and naivety that surrounds it, people have said some pretty dumb things to those who suffer from Depression, including to me, and the worst offenders have been Christians, things like, ‘of course you could be healed if you only wanted to’ ‘just ask God to give you healing and believe and you will be healed’ ‘snap out of it’ ‘you’re just being selfish’ and the list could go on, one of the reasons why it is so misunderstood is because it is not easy to understand depression, and people don’t like admitting they don’t have the answers so they come up with stupid answers to cover their inadequacy, also its to do with the emotions and people, especially us brits I am told but I think it is most nationalities, struggle with emotions at the best of times, guys, you don’t need to understand Depression to help someone with depression, all they need to know is that you are there for them, there to talk to, there to help, there offering to cook for them, or wash or clean or take the kids off their hands, there to cry with them and to laugh with them, yes even people with depression are capable of laughing, I did even in my darkest moments.
What I can tell you about Depression, just a little medical stuff because it does help you to be less scared of it, is this, it is a medical condition where the levels of certain chemicals in the brain are too low, we are not sure how this is caused but we know it can be triggered or aggravated by stress factors in life and difficulties, we also know that it is not easy to pin down any 1 instance that triggers the difficulties, the short term treatment for depression is usually tablets, to increase the levels of the relevant chemicals in the brain, Anti Depressants are the tablets that help boost the levels of the good chemicals in the brain to allow a person to cope with life, there are other treatments but I wont go into those, I am talking about Anti Depressants because these are seen by some Christians as being evil and we should never use them but what I would say is that I am also Asthmatic, and I suffer a medial condition called Cluster Headaches, both of which require medication on a daily basis to prevent me becoming ill, what is so different about taking tablets to increase the levels of chemicals in my brain to keep my mental health in good condition as opposed to takign an asthma inhaler to keep my asthma under control, or taking tablets to keep my head from feeling like it is going to blow up? No one (I hope) would suggest to a diabetic, to stop taking his Insulin, or a person with a heart condition to stop taking his medication, unless of course they had a word from God about the person being healed, and even then I trust they would encourage the person to consult a Dr first, so why do you suggest that people should stop taking their anti depressants?
Anyhow, what is the point of this blog post? You might well ask, is it just to reminisce over events of a year ago? no, I would rather forget it to be honest, it is 2 fold, firstly to mark to myself how far I have come in that year, well in something like 6 months because in reality there was very little improvement until around June/July time.
But most importantly it is to speak to 2 different groups of people, firstly those who know someone who is going through depression, to urge you to stick with them, at times it might feel as though they are throwing all your kindness and help back in your face, I know that’s what it must have felt at times for my friends, but your input into their lives is crucial and makes a huge difference to the outcome, so PLEASE continue to show them love and care for them, to be there for them as much as you are able to.
One thing I can be fairly confident of is that you know someone in your life, unless you lead a very sheltered life, who is going through or has been through very severe depression, whether or not you are aware of their depression is another matter, I would challenge you with this question, are you the kind of person someone with depression woudl choose to confide in and talk to? With me lots of people knew I was going through severe depression, largely because of how severe it was, but there were very few people I would choose to talk to, partly obviously it makes sense to keep the details and depth of things to a few people, you don’t want it too widely shared in the same way that you wouldn’t want to share the intimate details of say, breast cancer or prostate cancer, with the whole world, but there was also part of me that just didn’t want to talk to some folk because they lacked the sensitivity and understanding that was so important to me, to be blunt those folk would, and at times did, make me feel worse so why would I talk to them? so my challenge, are you the kind of person someone with depression would want to talk to and share with?
the second (and most important) group is those going through depression, don’t give up, whatever it feels like right now it can get better, it almost certainly WILL get better, life wont always be like this, I can’t say a lot that will change your situation or your life’s experience in the here and now but I can say, as one who has walked that path before you, there is more to life than depression, there is more to life than the feelings of despair and isolation, than the sense of hopelessness and helplessness, this WILL pass and you will come out the other side stronger and better than you are now, I don’t know why you are going through what you are going through, hey I am still not sure why I have had to go through the depths of depression but what I do know is that there is one who will hold onto you and not let you go, even though it feels like he has abandoned you, he will always get you through. Strange thing is I know right now exactly what your thinking, because it is almost certainly the same thing that I thought when people told me that God hadn’t abandoned me, that he was there even if I didn’t feel like he was, my answer went something like, ‘well if he hasn’t abandoned me why do I feel like he has? and surely he could let me know he is here with me’ but the truth is, I wasn’t talking to him so he couldn’t let me know! I had blocked the channels of communication through my hate of him, so how could he let me know he was there? only through his people, those he had put around me to represent him in my life, but I wasn’t listening to them either.
I know it isn’t easy but at the moment what you most need is the comfort of God but you will probably not feel/sense that directly, you will need to release yourself into his care and trust him, but also allow others to carry that light of hope with and for you.
One of the images a friend of mine had for me during some of those darkest days was of Moses when the Israelites were at war and he was ont he mountainside with his arms held high but they were weary, so he needed people to hold his arms up, just like Moses was weary and needed his arms holding, so was I and therefore my friends were holding my arms up but the times I refused, or didn’t have the strength to have them up even with help, they could hold their hands up on my behalf.
I hope this post can have been of some use to some of you out there, I don’t know what this coming year has in store for me yet, I know I am in a lot better place than I was this time last year but I am also well aware of my own vulnerability and weakness, of how close I am to depression, probably closer right now than I was a few weeks ago but that might have something to do with the weather of late, yet I know that I need to keep walking and keep myself focused on God and on what he wants me to do, I also know that I have a fantastic support network out there for me who are there for me, and who I hope I will be able to be there for should they need it.
I think one of the main things that depression has taught me is that there are some really, really, great people in my life and I just thank God for allowing me the privilege of having such fantastic friends.
In conclusion I want to give you a couple of web sites for further information on the subject of depression.
firstly there is an organisation in the UK called Time for Change, their primary focus is to raise awareness of depression and mental health issues in the UK< they have run a couple of TV adverts as well as a number of local events and are busy working with various organisations to make mental health issues less of a taboo subject and raise their profile in quarters that matter most, their web site is http://www.time-to-change.org.uk
the second organisation is an American one, called ‘To Write Love on Her Arms’ their aims are very similar but working primarily the other side of the Atlantic, their mission statement is a pretty good summary it reads: To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. and their web site address is http://www.twloha.com I hope that in some way my blog can have been an inspiration and encouragement to you whether you yourself are going through depression or you know someone who is going through depression.
If you want to contact me about this or talk about depression I would love to hear from you, I want to be here to talk to you especially if you are suffering depression or are wanting to know how best to support a friend who has Depression.
Click the ‘contact me’ button just below this message and you will find a few ways to contact me. [houdini]
Christian Standards?
My apologies for the poor standards of writing in this post, I have struggled to get the matters down in a coherent and logical manner but I trust tht you will read and know my heart as you read, my desire for holiness and purity but not to condemn or criticise.
I realise that the blog post that follows could be seen as me being super spiritual but I want you to know that is not the case, I am all too aware of my own failings and struggles and am writing out of weakness myself but out of a desire to move on and move into a true and better relationship with God, to now Christ more and more, to know his love and a real encounter from him to enable me to live more pure and holy a life before him butt he following post is one that I have felt I need to write in order to address a growing concern I have with the standards being set within the church in this age, perhaps I am of a previous generation but I do believe that the way we act, the way we speak, the things we do and the things we call ‘entertainment’ matter, they matter to God, they should matter to us, and they affect our relationship with him as well as our witness to those who are around us.
Leaders of the church in particular should be setting examples of holiness and purity, and teaching those standards clearly to the church, so that they challenge the believers to live purer and holier lives, we can no longer rely on peoples own understanding of right and wrong, or of expected standards, people coming to faith now have come from a background where they have not known anything of Christian standards, where anything goes and there is no black and white, no right and wrong, therefore we need to teach, and keep on teaching, the standards we believe to be right.
One of my concerns over the ‘seeker sensitive’ models of church is that there seems to be a far greater emphasis on forgiveness and grace than on holiness and purity, it seems that we are so keen to get people into the church that we are prepared to overlook some serious moral failures in an effort to make them feel welcome.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not for one minute suggesting that we should expect people to have it all sorted before they become a part of the church, we all sin and fail, but what I am suggesting is that we do need to challenge moral standards that fall bellow the standards expected of Christians, whether in our own lives or in the lives of other believers, however long they have been walking with God.
This lack of desire to challenge difficult areas of peoples lives actually does them no favour, they don’t know how they should live because we don’t extol the virtues of a Godly lifestyle.
For example, there are a good number of Christians who don’t realise any more that it is wrong, and against the laws of scripture to live with your girlfriend or have sex outside of marriage, the world says its fine, go on it doesn’t matter and therefore when they come to faith new Christians continue lifestyles that are ungodly simply because no one has told them that it is wrong and it grieves the spirit, that there is another way to live and they should, indeed MUST maintain a different standard from the worlds standard.
As a parent, how can I teach my children the basics of Christian living when the example they see in the church is so far from that standard, when those who my children look up to in church are living by the worlds standards.
I am not suggesting that it is wrong for us to mix with the world, I am not advocating a separatist or elitist attitude or a holier than thou way of living I am not suggesting that we should leave people under condemnation and judgement, but we do need to point to the right and godly standards that we hold dear, or do we hold them dear? I am not so sure about that some times.
In John 8, when the Pharisees brought the woman caught in adultery to him he said ‘let those who are without sin cast the first stone’ as we know the people left one by one, what did Jesus do? he was the one without sin so he could have stoned her but he says ‘they have not condemned you and neither do I’ he could have condemned her but he didn’t he was the one who was holy enough to condemn her but choose, in his love and grace not to, we are in no position to condemn however he does go on to say ‘Go and sin no more’ so we are not to condemn but we are to teach standards and expect that people will be challenged by the spirit.
Neither am I advocating a simple compliance to rules and regulations or following moral standards alone, what people need more than anything is an encounter with the living God, he will bring about life changing transformation in their lives, but along with praying for that encounter with the living God, for both ourselves and others, we do still need to teach right from wrong, in a world where anything goes and there are all shades of grey but no black and white we need to stand up and say NO there is a right and we will maintain the line.
I think that one of the things I find saddest is the way that Christians seem content these days to lower their standards to the levels of the world, particularly in the world of entertainment, a few months ago I watch a few minutes, I think about 10-15 minutes tops, of a comedian, I had heard a couple of Christians rave about this particular comedian, so decided to watch his TV programme, what I was ‘treated’ to was a barrage of swearing and crude jokes and innuendo, including blasphemy, we will come back to blasphemy in a minute, I watched as much as I could cope with and switched off!
Similarly we bought a few DVD’s before Christmas, got some cheapies so some of them were block busters in their day but were pretty old hat, one of these, 4 weddings and a funeral, was so full of people jumping in and out of bed with each other and having affairs etc, we had to turn it off! now I am aware that a good many Christians have watched and enjoyed that film but since when has sin been entertainment to us? does Paul not talk about this in Romans 1:32: Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. in the context of listing sexual sins and impurities that the people of the generation are given over to he then condemns those who are in effect giving assent to those sins and approving of them, I think that in this generation we are in danger of just this, in fact worse, not only do we approve we find it entertainment!!
Getting back to blasphemy, it seems that it has actually become acceptable for blasphemy to be used in every day language, even on TV and radio programmes before watersheds no one stops to think when someone says ‘Oh my God’ do they not realise this is blasphemy? and why not? because we as Christian s have not told them.
On Facebook and Twitter one of the abbreviations used regularly is ‘OMG’ which is basically an abbreviation of the blasphemous comment above, I have even seen it written by Christians! so since when did it become acceptable for Christians to use blasphemous remarks on their Facebook and Twitter status updates?
Please Christian Brothers and sister, consider how you live and try to maintain a lifestyle that is pure and holy, we don’t, make our faith more attractive just by ignoring moral failure and lowering our standards we just make our faith mean less, we loose our distinctive if we water down our standards and morals to match those of the world.
I emphasise again, I am not suggesting that we should be elitist or separatist or that we should condemn the world but that we should live in the world, amongst unbelievers and that our lives should be lives of holiness and purity that challenges their standards and morals.
Where is HE who has been born the King of the Jews?
Mathew 2:1-6
NOW WHEN Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men [astrologers] from the east came to Jerusalem, asking, Where is He Who has been born King of the Jews? For we have seen His star in the east at its rising and have come to worship Him. When Herod the king heard this, he was disturbed and troubled, and the whole of Jerusalem with him. So he called together all the chief priests and learned men (scribes) of the people and * anxiously asked them where the Christ was to be born.
They replied to him, In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet: And you Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, you are not in any way least or insignificant among the * chief cities of Judah; for from you shall come a Ruler Who will govern and [ shepherd My people Israel. [ Mi 5:2]
OK its not very often I quote the bible in my blog, and even less often (if ever!) that I start of a blog post with a quote from the bible, where I have used a quote its usually just 1 verse! so why is this different? I don’t know really! I just felt that the whole section I put in had relevance for what I wanted to say, or ask.
So, my question is very simple, what did the Chief Priests and Scribes do after the birth of Jesus had been revealed to them? here we have some ‘wisemen’ who were astrologers, a practice and occupation that God detests, yet reveals his most miraculous event in all history, the birth of his own son, to such as these, Gentiles no less! and uses their chosen profession, astrology, to do so! strange as that may be, what is even stranger is this, once they get to the palace of Herod and tell of the wonders of the birth of ‘the King of the Jews’ Herod calls the chief priests and scribes and asks them ‘Where is the Christ to be Born?’ they answer by quoting from Micah 5:2 that he is to be born in Bethlehem, OK so these learned people, who proclaim that they are followers of the Lord, who have the truth in them, who have studied scripture all their lives, who KNOW where the Christ is to be born, why did they not go with the wise men to find this miraculous sight? why did they not go to confirm one way or another whether this really was the birth of the one who had been prophesied about so much? Were they not at least a little curious as to what was going on? Indignant possibly at the fact that God had chosen to reveal this news to such as Gentile Astrologers, perhaps a little sceptical that God would reveal this truth to those people, but surely curiosity would have had them explore further?
If that had been me what would I have done? well I hope I would have sought God on the matter, wanting to know whether this was indeed the fulfilment of great promises or just some hoaxers and if I had enquired of the Lord with earnestness would he not have confirmed it in my heart too? even if he hadn’t done so, I think I would have wanted to tag along with the wise men, just to satisfy my own curiosity, I am not convinced that I would have been any more certain that the baby born in such poor circumstances was the one who had come to bring salvation but at least I would have gone to see, and perhaps in doing so put myself into a situation where God would/could speak to me.
Had they become so wrapped up in their own traditions and religion that they had no time for listening to what God was saying or doing in their very presence? they were living at a watershed in history yet they missed what was the biggest sign from God, other people coming into their city and telling of what they had seen and understood from it. It is little wonder that God chose to speak to Gentile sinners & poor Shepherds when the Chief Priests and Learned men (of God) chose to ignore what was brought right to their feet.
Had God been trying to get these people to listen to him for a couple of years, since Jesus Birth and only after trying to grab their attention chose to go instead to those who were outside of his own. We don’t know but I wonder…..
So what? I hear you say, well, if those Chief Priests back then, who held the truth, who had studied Gods word to the extent that they knew where Jesus was to be born, if they can choose to ignore, or not listen to, the truth when its so clear before their own eyes, then what about us? are you, am I, still listening to Gods voice? are we prepared to accept that sometimes God doesn’t work in exactly the way we choose, sometimes he reveals things to those who don’t know the truth in the same way we do, sometimes he chooses to present the truth to us in a way that we least expect and sometimes, well very often actually, he does things in a way that is so different to what we expect, it may run counter to our experience, just because its not in our experience doesn’t mean its not in Gods plan!
I am not advocating following every whim and move that comes our way, not suggesting that we should take in every teaching and every teacher who purports to be giving Gods word, we are still told to judge what we hear/see but lets suspend our own suspicions and cynical spirit and at least wait on God to reveal the truth to us, maybe, just maybe, he has chosen the foolish, or the weak, to shame the wise, maybe, just maybe, he has chosen to work in a way that we didn’t expect, or using people we didn’t expect, even people we wouldn’t choose.
Well thats it for me, just wanting to wish you all a very happy and blessed Christmas and peaceful New Year
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Verse of the day:- NLTverse: Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!” Ex 14:15 NLT http://ow.ly/2zS3c 08/09/2010NLTverse: Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!” Ex 14:15 NLT http://ow.ly/2zS3c […]
- NLTverse: Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!” Ex 14:15 NLT http://ow.ly/2zS3c 08/09/2010
